Scraping the biscuit barrel

Jumping on the South Shields by-election bandwagon, UKIP have set up shop, in a shop, on King Street.  It’s tastefully decked out in posters and a couple of baloons.  Classy.  The shop was formerly a branch of Bay Biscuit Co, a now defunct Newcastle retailer specialising in broken and bargain biscuits.

Let’s ignore that UKIP’s position on climate change ignores the science.  Let’s ignore that UKIP’s position on equal marriage is as libertarian as the Pope’s.  Let’s ignore that UKIP representatives have a bad habit of failing to keep their promises.

The real question which voters should ponder in their analysis of the by-election candidate should be: if UKIP were a biscuit, what biscuit would it be?

Not Hobnobs, clearly that’s for the Tories, a party run by toffs.  Jammie Dodgers is more of Lib Dem biscuit, given their dodging tough decisions, their commitments and their principles.  Drifter seems designed for Labour, the party continually drifting from it’s original purpose.

No doubt a UKIP representative would consider a biscuit like a Breakaway, reflecting their desire to tear the UK from Europe.  Maybe Party Rings in a nod to South Tyneside UKIP councillor David Pott’s love for Bunga Bunga parties.  Or perhaps McVitie’s Gold  bars for UKIP’s nonsensical attachment to the gold standard.  I think maybe Jacob’s Odditities would be the most appropriate.  Or Jacob’s Crackers.

Or something with nuts in.